Determined to recover from the scandal in which it attempted to fire a tenured professor because she donned a Hijab in solidarity with American Muslims, Wheaton College announced  a new spring line up for their Christian-based curriculum. Helter Skelter got an exclusive peek at some of the new classes. Here is some of those awesome new faith-based electives:

  1. War, What is it Good For? Absolute Extremism, Say it Again. 101. description: This course describes the most effective ways to keep nations and religions in a state of perpetual war and hatred by driving extremism. Students will learn how to use religion to co-opt government and pollute the media to sow distrust among religions while reaping massive profits. 6 weeks. Credits: 3
  2. Reformation, shmeshformation. 201.  description: Follow up to War, What is it good for, 101. This class reveals that there really wasn’t a reformation, and the Christianity wasn’t reformed at all. Students are encouraged to use misunderstandings and ignorance about this period in history to insult Islam. 6 weeks. Credits: 3 Prerequisite: FOX News.
  3. Cooking and baking, 203. description: Something for the ladies, so they don’t forget their proper place.  6 weeks. Credits: 3
  4. The Antichrist, 101. description: A retrospective of the Obama Administration. Elective. 1 Credit
  5. Walls of Jericho. description: Architecture. This program  helps Wheaton College students become prepared in the building and engineering trades building walls around Palestine and the Mexican border. 6 weeks. Credits: 3
  6. Erasing History 103. description. History and facts are dangerous. This course prepares students to write text books for children in Texas, preparing the next generation of Tea Party voters. Students will learn how to connect Jesus with cowboys, Dinosaurs and the Alamo, and how Davy Crockett’s last act before being assassinated by evil Mexicans was to strike oil. 6 weeks. Credits: 3
  7. Flanders. 103. description: This course prepares the man of tomorrow. Based on the Simpson’s character, Ned Flanders, male students learn to become the man for tomorrow, sweater vests, dumb as bricks, Christian fundamentalist and…am I wrong or is he, I mean I know he has a wife and kids, but I really think he’s…6 weeks. Credits: 3

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