The state of north Carolina is currently seeking applicants to fill positions at local, state, public and private washrooms. New legislation, HB2, commonly known as the Bathroom, or “Let me see your junk” law has opened up numerous positions for qualified applicants. Salary commensurate with experience.
Some members of the public are very concerned about what the person in the stall or urinal are doing, and what they are doing it with. As a Crotch Inspector for the State of North Carolina, your job is to bring them piece of mind. In a multi-pronged assault on this issue plaguing our restrooms, by “certain” elements of society, you and your team will employ a series of policing and investigative strategies. Perpetrators and suspects will be required to show you a birth certificate prior to entering any restroom outside of a private home. That will be handled later in special upcoming legislation. You will be asked to expose yourself
as a state Crotch Inspector to anyone knowingly or wantingly misrepresenting their genitalia, reminding them as you inspect their “package” that nowhere in the constitution is privacy guaranteed. Suspects are liable for criminal prosecution. You will testify for the prosecution, asserting that you checked their junk carefully, describing in great literary detail how that junk was inconsistent with their legally mandated junk.
Applicants will be republican, Trump supporters will be given preference. 8th Grade education, or three years probation for farm animal molestation. Jaw commonly described as slacked. Single eyebrow, preferably above the eyes. Ability to lean backwards and stretch around urinal walls. Family tree commonly described as “the stick.” ability to describe self as “Christian,” despite overwhelming contradictions. You like to peek in your neighbors windows.
Applicants are encouraged to submit cover letter-crayon is okay-in the comment section below. In an effort to save time, no, crayons do not come with Spell Check. Consult your baby mama’s breast tattoo for the proper spelling of your name, you request a copy of the thumbprint signature used to get your carnival job.